Celery really is offensive
March 27, 2007
Three English soccer have been banned from Stamford Bridge, the home of high flying Chelsea, and face criminal charges – for throwing celery on to the pitch, according to a report from Reuters today.
Celery, an offensive weapon? A tomato, yes, even a turnip, a squash or a potato – but a stick of celery? Just shows how tough those millionaire soccer players are. “Hey ref, stop the game, I got hit by a stick of celery.”
And there’s a twist. Reuters reports: “Chelsea fans have been throwing it among themselves, and singing an unprintable song about the vegetable, for more than two decades.”
Oh wow… I’d love to know what the song is: there’s a prize for anyone who sends me the verses, or even makes up a good one. But remember this is a family show.
But wait, as they say, there’s more. Reuters is also reporting that Deborah Tate, a Republican member of the Federal Communications Commission (the body that regulates the US media, for you Brits), wants celery to get equal TV time with doughnuts as a way to combat obesity. Equal time?!
All they need to do is get Homer Simpson to sit with his feet up on the control desk at work and get stuck in to a stick of celery. That should do it.
Note: A number of readers have thanked me for always including pictures with my posts. Now I can’t guarantee that this variety of celery, ‘Victoria’, is the one that caused the offence and I’m unable to pass comment on its prowess as a weapon. But I’m told it’s a fine variety, winner or an Award of Garden Merit I see, and seed is sold by our friends at Thompson & Morgan both in the USA and the UK. And the flavour? No idea. I can’t stand the stuff.